...Adam, Eve, and Madonna left the nudist colony, and hopped on a livestock ship with Captain Noah & Nemo, only to be beached on a mountain top, where a mountain man named Amos Moses carved stone tablets, with which he cracked over the head of the giant name Goliath, thus enabling David & Bathesheba to spawn Huey, Duey, Luey, and Jonah, and his buddy Jobe who needed a job, and they all had a whale of a time fishing while drunk on water that was turned into wine by a very sweet rock star dude named Jesus Christo Godwin, who naturally pissed off the powers that be by holding drum circle parties without a permit, and thus was tortured and executed in a very weird and painful way, so that now...to this day...

...the letter "t" has become the letter of the alphabet of choice by a quarter of the worlds population, and a man who looks like Wilford Brimley in cherry red and white winter clothing, symbolized Jesus' birth? Right?!?